literally had 100 drinks last night.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
