I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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