sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize