you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
