I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
