I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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