My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
