The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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