yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
