someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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