dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
