new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Randomize
