You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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