I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
