The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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