Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
