I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
