I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
