Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You pole danced in your parka.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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