fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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