the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
