He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I didn't notice because vodka
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
