and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i now understand why vodka
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
