Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
two words...techno handjob
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
