I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
