How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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