I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
