windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
