Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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