im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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