I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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