i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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