found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
