I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
