I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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