Sry I called you an 8
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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