I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
