Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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