Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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