So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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