my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
