Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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