tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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