She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
