sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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