I wish I only lived at night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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