nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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