Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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