And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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