Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize