The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
