uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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