im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
