i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
