I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
