Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
