that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
