And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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