His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
