You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Terrible idea I love it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
