the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
