the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
