you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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