I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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