you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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