You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
