Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
