After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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