just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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