He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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