i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
