sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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