you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
