i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
