oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
